MOM! I'm not wearing that!
by The Cowardly Christian
Summary: Wendy is having a bad day? Why? Her Mother's come for a visit! Post- "The Inconvieniencing" AU! IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT!
1. Chapter 1

**Mom! I'm not wearing that!**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

Deep within the middle of the woods...A certain 12 year old boy was wearing a certain outfit and singing a certain song-

 _Well...Who wants a lamby, lamby, Lamby?_

 **I DO! I DO!**

Shouted a giant, green eyed, red haired wolf that had entered the clearing.

The Lamb looked at this newcomer with mixed feelings. On the one had he was afraid, for he knew this beast had come to eat him. But he didn't want to run either...For there was a part of him that knew he'd enjoy it. Not knowing what else to do the lamb nervously continued...

 _...So, go up and greet your Mammy, Mammy, Mammy._

 **Hi there! Hi there!**

Said the Wolf as it continued to advance and lick it's lips in anticipation.

 _...So march, march, march around the daises-_

 **Don't, Don't, Don't you forget about the baby!**

Shouted the wolf as she pounced, overpowered, and rav-

 **GASP!**

In the town of Gravity Falls; two people had just woken up from a very...Interesting dream...And this did not go unnoticed...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**

 **AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.**

 **But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	2. Chapter 2

**Mom! I'm not wearing that! ch. 2**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

Wendy entered the mystery shack. Her eyes immediately feel on the boy who'd risked life and humility to save her last night.

"Uh...hey dipper." She managed to squeak out, not sure what else to say. What else could she say?

Dipper flushed as his crush acknowledged him. He too didn't really know what to say after last night.

"Oh, hey Wendy." He said awkwardly. For a long while they just stood their standing uncomfortably.

"So...anyway...I just want to say thanks again for last night." Wendy managed.

"Wha? Oh, it was nothing...I'd do anything for you Wendy..." And with that in the air, the awkward silence continued.

 _Man, what I wouldn't give for a distraction right now._ Thought Wendy-

 **BOOM!**

-Who immediately regretted it.

For standing in the doorway she'd just kicked down was none other than-

MOM!? Screamed a mortified Wendy.

Dipper had only barely heard her. He was still processing the woman he was seeing. She was crazy gorgeous! She had a weird beehive hairdo, wore a skin-tight black crazy outfit, and had impossibly long legs!

Then what Wendy said actually hit. "Wait, what!? I thought your Mom was dead!?"

Wendy growled. "Apparently that was too much to hope for." she said coldly.

The women tisked. "Oh, my dear girl. Your not mad at that spot of fun I had a couple years back?"

FUN!? Screamed Wendy. YOU HIJACKED MY SEX-ED CLASS! BY HAVING AN ORGY! WITH TAMBRY AND MY OTHER CLOSEST FRIENDS!

"Wait, Tambry!?" Flustered Dipper.

Wendy blushed in horror realizing what she just revealed; in front of Dipper of all people!

"She...Was going through a phase." She admitted awkwardly.

"And who are you my dear boy." Said the woman in a sensual manner.

Dipper blushed but was interrupted by Wendy before he could say anything.

"Nobody! Leave him alone! And get out! "Screamed Wendy as she shielded Dipper protectively.

"Hey miss B!" Shouted Soos as he entered the room. "I didn't know you were back in town!"

The woman smiled. "Always a pleasure my boy." She said before shoving her tongue down his throat. Soos immediately feel into a bliss coma.

MOM! Screamed a horrified Wendy.

"Hello! My dear sweet Bayonetta!" Exclaimed an enthusiastic Stan. "Come to give dishonest Stan another turn in the oval office?" He asks suggestively.

Dipper promptly vomits. While Wendy wishes the earth would swallow her up.

 _This is not happening..._

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	3. Chapter 3

**Mom! I'm not wearing that! ch. 3**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

Everyone was quick to run from the shack...it was either that or watch Stan and Bayonetta **** each other!

"Well, I'm never eating on that table again!" Shouts Mabel as she contemplates how best to gouge out her own eyes. Dipper nods. "we should probably consider burning that whole room." This suggestion was met with a lot of nods...except from Wendy who was too busy crying.

"She's always doing this! Why can't she ever leave me in peace!?" She cries out and falls to her knees and sobs. Dipper quickly ran up to her and gave her a hug. "It's okay Wendy, Stan embarrasses us all the time...We don't think any worse of you. -Don't we guys?" Soos and Mabel nods. Wendy was only half-listening. It was hard to listen when your body suddenly felt like it on fire...wonderful, wonderful fire!

Wendy flustered as she quickly shrugs off Dippers hug. "R-right Dipper! Thank you! Appreciate it! Good pep talk! I-i need to go for a minute!" She quickly ran from her now very confused friends. Making sure that no one can see her, she scarfs down a large bottle of pills. She turns to look at Dipper...and flinches.

 _What!? No! That was the same dosage I always use! I should be fine now!_ She then triples the dosage! She waits for a few minutes...and gives a sigh of relief that she now feels stable-

"Hey, mrs. B good to see you!" shouts a familiar voice. Wendy weeps. _Life hates me._ She thinks to herself as she watches her friends come to excitedly greet the woman they feel gave them the best day of their life...her mother...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	4. Chapter 4

**Mom! I'm not wearing that! ch. 4**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

"Nate! Lee! Thompson! Robbie! Tambry! So marvelous to see you all again! Especially you Tambry!" Tambry flusters at this. Bayoneta then turns to Robbie. "Why Robbie! Gone Goth have you?" Robbie smirks. "Yeah...gave it a shot...it really suits me...Hey didn't you say something about...'liking goths' or something or other like that back when I last meet you?" Said Robbie with the same subtlety as mallet.

Bayoneta gave a hearty laugh. "My dear boy; I said I liked **Visi** -Goths!" Robbie turned scarlet as the rest of the group laughed. "What!? You mean I got laughed at for wearing eye-shadow for nothing!?" Shouted a humiliated Robbie as he storms off irritated.

Building up her courage, Mabel steps up to Tambry. Is it true that you were 'together' with Mrs. B?" Asked Mabel in disbelief.

Tambry smiled. "Yep, one of the best days of my life!" While the guys collectively had a great fantasy about that, Mabel again piped up her courage. "But...your both girls...how dose that work?" She asked in innocent disbelief.

Nearby; Wendy sighed. _If she only_ _ **knew.**_ She can't help but think. Tambry just nervously smiled. "You know it's weird...I mainly like guys...it's only two exceptions that are girls." As she says 'two'; she can't help but look over at Wendy.

Wendy groans... **that** was always an uncomfortable topic. She knew _why_ Tambry was attracted to the girls in her family...and it wouldn't be fair for her if she exploited that. Also, she didn't feel 'that' way for Tambry...or at least...She didn't feel that way when she kept her 'urges' in check.

Meanwhile, she saw Dipper fluster as he made the connection. Wendy groaned inwardly. Of course _Dipper_ of all people would figure it out; like her day wasn't awkward enough already.

Dipper whispered to her. "Wait, are you and Tambry- "NO!" She whispered back harshly. Then she immediately winched when she saw Dipper look hurt at her angry tone.

"Sorry Dipper, didn't mean to snap...it's just a very sensitive, awkward subject...that I really don't know how to resolve." She admits sadly. Dipper frowns. "Anything I can do to help?" He asks sincerely as he leans closer to comfort her.

Wendy flusters. Sometimes Dipper was too nice for his own good! "Uh...no...sorry Dipper...But it's a complicated...weird situation...I don't think you could handle it-

Wendy was barely focusing on her words, that wonderfully warm touch of Dippers was just too distracting-

And of course that's when her mother swooped by. "As fun as it was to catch up with you all, I have urgent business to discuss with my daughter." Before Wendy could protest she dragged her away.

Dipper frowned. "Can't handle it? I've handled gnomes, lake monsters, living wax figures, little psychopaths, and ghosts! How could she think I wouldn't be able to handle what ever this is?" He says out loud to no one in particular.

Which of course was Stan's(still deeply tipsy and inebriated from his 'loving' with Bayonetta) que to lumber on through. "Maybe she just doesn't think your man enough to handle it...I certainly don't." A woozy Stan comments with a chuckle.

Dipper glares. _We'll_ _see about that._ Thinks an annoyed Dipper as he flips through the journal...Finally finding the page about Man-itours...

After she dragged Wendy far enough out of earshot to talk. She turned deathly serious. "Right, Wendy. I shant beat around the bush, you could be in serious danger...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

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	5. Chapter 5

**Mom! I'm not wearing that! ch. 5  
**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

Wendy looked up at the sky in tears. _She knew...she had to have known! Why is she doing this to me!?_

She still remembers her mom's talk all those long hours ago...Telling her how the main reason she had them live in Gravity Falls was because it was unnaturally disconnected from the forces of Paradiso and Inferno.

But lately...things were changing...she didn't know why, but both sides were sacrificing large portions of their domains to build a connection to Gravity Falls!

…...

" _What!? Can't you do something!?" Exclaimed Wendy. Bayonetta shrugged I could always take you, your siblings, and your father away from here...of course that would leave your friends here to die"..._

" _Why can't we take them with us!?" Demanded Wendy._

 _Bayonetta laughed. "And how would we explain that to their families?...Or to them for that matter? Especially when you refuse to talk about what we really are?" She pointed out._

 _Wendy groaned...but she was right! She couldn't bear to explain 'this' to anyone!...especially not Dipper..._

 _But she couldn't just leave them like this!...so where did that leave her?_

 _Bayonetta sighed. "My dear you could always-_

" _NO! Mom if I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times- I AM NOT WEARING THAT!"_

 _Bayonetta shrugged. Then your left with the choices of either leaving your friends to die...or telling them and that nice Dipper boy the truth"..._

 _Wendy paled...she screamed into her hat...she kicked a tree down...but then she sighed and pulled up her sleeve; revealing a strange, glowing tattoo._

" _Let's just get this over with." She says as her mom unseals her powers._

 _She quickly ditches her clothes so they don't get destroyed, as her red hair covers her whole body._

 _And she can feel it...her 'urges' had returned full force and then some!_

 _So had her blood lust! So much so that Bayonetta was quick to put her inside her training ground so she could work through these feelings-_

… _..._

Wendy groaned to herself. her mother set her up! There was no other explanation! She knew after her bloodlust got bored with killing simple copies, she'd want more! And she gave her more! Something! A chance to beat up some misogynistic Jocks!? Her mother knew darn well she wouldn't be able to resist!

…...

 _Dipper sighed as he walked up to the Minotaurs cave. He couldn't do it, he just couldn't kill the multi-bear...Especially over something as idiotic as a song!_

 _But where did that leave him? How would he ever prove himself a man to Wendy if-_

 _ **BOOM!**_

 _Dipper looks in amazement as the Minotaurs cave(and most of the mountain) collapsed! Dipper quickly ran to it and was shocked to see a giant pile of brutally beaten up minotaurs!_

 _He runs up to a mangled_ _Chutzpar. "What happened her!?" Shouted Dipper concerned. Chutzpar coughed. "Destructor, run! She's too powerful!" Dippers eye's widen. "She? Who are you- And then he saw it...the red wolf with green eye's...just as it lunged..._

… _..._

Wendy groaned. Between her super charged urges and Dipper wearing nothing but that flimsy loincloth...well, the results had been completely predictable.

Thinks a naked Wendy as she looks at an equally naked Dipper covered with claw and bite marks.

 _It is not okay that I enjoyed that._ Thinks a very conflicted Dipper...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	6. Chapter 6

**Mom! I'm not wearing that! ch. 6**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

Dipper walked through the pharmacy. Desperately trying to make sense of the last week...

…Flashback...

It was an uncomfortable, naked Dipper that listened as a hysterical, naked, sobbing Wendy confessed to everything.

How her mother was the last of the Umbra witches; a coven who's practices of magic revolving around the influence of the moon and the evocation of beings from Inferno had altered their minds, bodies, and souls. Thus causing them to slowly evolve over the generations into a sub-species of humanity.

Among their many quirks was a voracious, sexual appetite. Coupled with an aura that made all people(both man and woman) lustful toward her...it made life challenging(even more so since it was actually possible for them to impregnate woman).

For obvious reasons, Wendy had wanted no part of that(that and the whole being hunted by monsters thing). So she sealed her powers and urges, and stayed with her father and siblings(who being male, didn't inherit this) in the one place on earth no one would bother her.

And for most of her life(minus a close call or two), she was able to keep her urges in check...until Dipper showed up...

"I don't know why! It's not a physical attraction! But for whatever reason, just being near you makes me want to **** you ****!" She sobs

 _Wow, I don't know whether to be insulted or complimented by that..._ Thought Dipper before quashing it and focusing on the sobbing friend in front of him.

"And while were being...honest... Those dang shorts of yours didn't help matters! Seriously, why do you wear the same shorts every fracking day!? It took all my willpower not to rip them off you!" She exclaimed angrily.

"I'm...sorry?" Said Dipper awkwardly, not sure how to respond to that. While also thinking: _note to self: buy more shorts._

Wendy groaned. "Oh, what dose it matter now? I just raped a 12 year-old! It's time I face the facts...I'm just a slut like my mother!" She sobbed.

Dipper quickly got up to comfort her, which unintentionally caused him to drop the towel he was covering his bits with.

The moment Wendy saw this, she finally stopped crying and laughed! Dipper turned scarlet but calmed himself. _Focus Dipper! Ignore the blow to your ego! The important thing is that she's happy!_

Dipper rushed to her. "Look, Wendy. You didn't rape me! Sure I was...'surprised' at first...But when I saw it was you...I really enjoyed it!" He said honestly.

Wendy looked him incredulously. "But I bit and scratched until you bleed! And I licked you raw!" She pointed out.

Dipper just kept blushing. "Like I said...I **enjoyed** that." He admitted awkwardly. Wendy's eyes widened. "Oh...wow...

 _It is not okay that that intrigues me._ Thinks Wendy to herself. "My point is...so what if you've had a bad day? So what? We've all had those! You could've been using your 'power' to satisfy yourself...but you thought against it tooth and nail! That certainly doesn't sound like a slut to me!"

Then Dipper flusters again. "And...I'm just going to say it...if anyone was going to take my virtue...I'm glad it was you." He admitted awkwardly.

Wendy just looked at him in disbelief, then she smiled...and hugged him. "Thank you Dipper." She whispered.

Suddenly they heard clapping. "Good for you Dipper!" Shouted Bayonetta! "You truly do have the heart of a hero!"

Dipper looked at her confused. "Heart of a hero?" Bayonetta smiled. "Why do you think was more attracted to you than anyone else? Her Umbra powers could sense it! She sensed that you have the Heart of a true hero, my boy...even if you lack the genitals of one." She teased.

Dipper blushed. Wendy...Wendy saw red! YOU BITCH! She screamed as she jumped at her-

…...

After the fighting(and mountain cracking) had stopped. Bayonetta explained that their really was a threat...but she also admitted that she took this as an opportunity to 'get her daughter the lay she so desperately needed'...which of course lead to another mountain range getting smashed to bits.

After Wendy calmed down again. Bayonetta told her that she should be able to keep her urges under control...provided she got a couple hours of 'dipper loving' every day...a statement which lead to yet another destroyed mountain...

And that's why Dipper was currently shopping for a very...'personal' item. He sighed as he walked right past the large and medium sized condoms to go to the small condoms...only to walk past those as well...and extra small's...and microscopic's...before finally ending up at the 'pipsqueak sized'. He looked at it...then groaned. _Great, just great. Even this is too big! And their aren't any smaller sizes! (sigh) I'll just throw them in the dryer when I get home and hope for the best..._

Thinks Dipper in despair as he heads for the counter. To Dippers relief, the person working there was an elderly man with poor eyesight. Because of said poor eyesight he asks Dipper to step up on a chair so he was over the counter.

 **RING!**

"Oh! My shifts over!" Shouts the elderly man. Before Dipper could say anything. The guy was gone and in his place-

TAMBRY!? Shouted a mortified Dipper. Tambry smirked. Before Dipper could do anything she snatches the condoms.

She giggles. "Wow, I didn't even know they made them this small!" Dipper flustered. "It's for a science experiment!" He lied lamely. "You know what? I don't really even need it!" He's just about to jump off the chair-

 **YOINK!**

Tambry yanked down Dippers pants and underwear! She burst out laughing. "I think your experiment failed!" She teased much to Dippers mortification.

"Hey Dipper, I know you wanted me to stay outside. But I got a call- TAMBRY!? WHAT THE BLOOD!? Shouts Wendy as she rushes to Dippers aide.

She yanks up Dippers pants and glares at Tambry. "What's with you!?" "What's with me!? What's with you!? You sleep with a 12 year-old you barely know- But not your best friend!?" Snaps Tambry irritably.

Wendy groans...It was probably as good a time as any to finally come clean with her... She asks Dipper to go outside as she has a long talk with her oldest friend...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	7. HIATUS IS OVER!

**HELLO FAITHFUL READERS!**

As you know...New Years is here...which mean my year long hiatus from fanfiction will be over!

But here's the thing...this year I'm doing something different:

Although I'll be writing fanfiction again; it'll be more sporadic(I'm still giving priority to my REAL story). The stories I focus on will be sorta random...however. I'll be making challenge; to the people who participate in my 'Shake up the Falls' Story challenge.

Ex: If you were to to publish a chapter of my 'Shake up the falls' challenge before anyone else...I would let you pick the first three stories I would be continuing(if you wanted me to continue my 'Gamer of the Year' Story plus two others, I'd do that before anything else)

The details of my 'Shake up the Falls' story idea can be found on my profile.

P.S. Just to clarify; this is a CONTINUOUS arrangement, I'll be continuing stories in the order that a person finishes my challenge, this challenge won't stop after the first person dose it...it'll continue on after that...I'll also be publishing/updating an going on my own time table in the meantime

P.S.S. Reminder; all my stories are still up for adoption!(I'm not abandoning any...I'm simply giving you more options, if you think I'm going too slow). Multiple adoptions for a single story are still allowed!

Hope you had a merry Christmas...and that you have a Happy New Year!


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